"Some people don't like telling the whole truth"

"Well, I don't get why people have to do that"

"I don't know. Maybe it's because they're proud. Maybe it's cos they're scared. Maybe, it's because telling the truth will make themselves feel more vulnerable than they already are"

When hearing those sentences of which JD and Turk exchanged on Scrubs, I couldn't help but agree on how true that statement was.

And it made me realise why I covered up, didn't tell you the truth- that would be exactly why.

I already felt vulnerable at that particular moment in time; I didn't want to feel it even more. I didn't want to tell you because I was scared. Scared of getting both of us more confused and messed up again. Scared of that incident. Scared of losing you.

I lay on my bed this afternoon, trying to think of all the alternatives which I could have picked, and what the outcome would have been.

And to be honest, I think it would have ended up exactly as what it is now. With you not talking to me, hurt by what I did, and with me hurt by hurting you.

Then I realised that I'm the kind of girl who is so afraid of her past, that whenever she gets too close to someone, she always puts her guard up, and takes the safest bet. She would try all means to preserve the friendship, to not lose that person, even if it meant covering up a mistake that she should not have made and which she should have been honest for. However by those means, she only ends up driving that person further away from her.

I'm so sorry, I really am. I ask of you, do find it in your heart to forgive me.

I'll be here, waiting. For your forgiveness.

I've done something so terrible
I'm terrified to speak
But you'd expect that from me
I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt

shobzybee~thetearscan'tstoppouringdownonme~